Humour by Shane Dell 07/11/04
An Abc of Cricket Exclusive
Suggestions have been flying thick and fast about pitches being doctored to suit the home team during the recently completed Series in India, where the home team took on and beat the Australians in the final Test at Wankhede Stadium in Mumbai.
Abc of Cricket put some questions to one of Indiaís leading curators regarding the allegations and received the following reply.
Hallo Every Body,
My name is Victa and I am being the Turf Doctor in residence at Mowit Stadium in Couchgrassie, India.
I am wanting you all to know that I am being upset at suggestions that Indian Turf Doctors are making pitches for benefit of Team India in most definitely completed series against Austria.
No, no, no itís not being true, we fix pitches the same for every series, not just being against Austria.
Me being honest man can prove what I am telling you is being truth. Mr Sourav can tell truth for me as extra. He can tell that we make call together and discuss such series situations. Mr Sourav being hinting to me during our telegraph call that he want a fast pitch. You see, Victa not dum, he know when Mr Sourav say he want to turn Austrians inside out and blast them off the park that he be wanting a pitch for fast bowler men.
Victa just say Mr Sourav, ďyou be leaving it with me.Ē
So you know what I do next? I do good thing for India and be making a pitch for spinner bowlings.
Mr Sourav be very demanding, but me do what me learnded at the University of Pitch Construction and Contortionism in Doosra.
But I must be saying I was very tempted to be taking up Mr Souravís offer of 20 extra super soppers like they be having at Chennai Stadium during periods of big drought. Offer even better when Mr Sourav throw in two extra sponges and pots for super soppers.
But, me being honest Victa I do right thing for India and be making lots of grass with a bit of pitch, which be very good for cuttings on Day two when Austrians make batting and Team India make bowling.
And, itís being true, you go look and see. Victa shorten Test against Austria by three days almost. India making big win of Test early on day 3. Victa make history for Mowit Stadium and Team India.
So now you see suggestions of being unfair are not true against Victa and all India Turf Doctors.
We donít disseminate against any bodies, let alone the Austrians.
We make same pitches to same BCCI standards for every bodies. You go look at BCCI Blueprint for Pitches, that will prove more than what I say to you.
Mr Victa Keepyabladeslow - Resident Turf Doctor at Mowit Stadium and husband of 3 children.
Credits: Macca, Kit Galer, Fair Game and The Herald Sun